feels like mourning

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mothers day feels like mourning to me

how do you celebrate the one who always let you down

the one who didnt protect you when you were small

the one who laughed and berated your pain

the one who pointed out every perceived inadequacy

time and time again, until finally they are believed

the one who would drink so much she would pass out in her dinnerplate

leaving you to raise your younger sister

the one who would rather 'live' with her mental illness

rather than take care of herself, so maybe she could take care of her children

no, for me this is less a day of giving thanks

than it is a day of thanking god i even survived